A Mutilated Identity

One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else. - K.L. Toth

I can see it: People out here, out here in LA, have a modified identity. Maybe it's just a by-product of the culture of the entertainment industry but at what cost? An identity that is more palatable to the people they meet. One that says I am at the mercy of your perception of me. So we curate our posts and polish our appearances publicly and virtually to portray a version of ourselves that reads as "put-together" and "having-it-all". We're focused on the validation and praise we'll receive if we only put our best foot forward. But in the process of this something gets lost. Our goals, our values, our morals, our sense of self. Every day you wake up and think "who am I going to be today?" "It's only temporary" you say, "Once I feel more comfortable I'll be my authentic self". But that never comes because these people only know you from what you've shown them and when you think about opening up with who you really are, it terrifies you. So you clam up and compartmentalize for another day. Maybe tomorrow.

Eventually, we wear these masks long enough that one day we look in the mirror and don't even recognize ourselves. How exhausted we are to live as someone we are not. And we can't just go back because we no longer know who we're going back to. An identity that is muddled from the mutilations that were made over the years to be more acceptable. Pictures and other memorabilia are just breadcrumbs of a person long gone.

I hope that whatever you do you fight the urge to conform. Who you are as an individual is a gift in and of itself. Never sell out for someone else's approval. Strip everything away and what do you have? If you can still say yourself then you're not lost.